Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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