I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
