you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
