I am spending my child support on dildos
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
