I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Couch. On fire.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
