You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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