your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
How naked do you want me to be?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
