Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize