It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
