I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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