u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
