It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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