alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
