I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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