we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
