He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
