At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
