I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
