haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize