Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
