I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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