what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
