I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
