its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
