I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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