We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
