Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
