remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
