ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She's the barista slut.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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