Pants 0. Shit 1.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
