dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
