Pappa wants mamma naked
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
