Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
