I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
