It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
