Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
