the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
