Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize