All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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