And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
