Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
im holly from the hills drunk
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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