please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
