Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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