So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
