Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
