Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
