can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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