when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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