I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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