is your mom at the bar?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize