Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
