My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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