is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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