i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
