i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
