i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
