So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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