Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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